Relationships Are Work

Love Is Improvised.

Think about what LOVE really is ….. in my opinion it's improvised.  It's about being 'in the moment.'
In the moment as it is with improvising a scene.  Suddenly it happens, and you stop questioning the why and how of it, you just must live it to the fullest and enjoy the ride.

After all it's only a moment in time, one that I find myself initmately connected with another human being. This means I'm leaving my human side vulnerable.

So I must allow someone inside of me. I have to give someone enough confidence to allow them to enter
into a deeper relationship with me, and so I need to consider these concepts.

I find this area the most difficult! It's a tougher ‘row to hoe,’ and there are potholes. I really prefer to stick to my 'comfort zone.' but this means going outside my comfort zone.

The problem is that I'm not an island. I can decide not to let anyone inside, but then my relationships will not be successful.

Over the years I've developed strong coping skills to survive, and this makes me, a 'survivor.'

I don't wish to be hurt just the same as anyone.  I understand that someone seeing my human side, opens up my frail side. I like to be strong and be the man.
 
Though I realize the quest for love is tough, it is the one quest that is worth the trouble and risk of taking,

Why Validation of Feelings Matter?

We all have feelings and relationships are about feelings.

We feel happy, and then we feel sad.  We feel many different things over the course of

our lifetime.  When we bump into the right person, at the right time, we'll make the

decision to share our thoughts and feelings with that person, in the hope that they will reciprocate.

If the significant other decides not to validate our feelings, then we can be left feeling devalued,

as a person.

WHEN we express ourselves to our particular partner, we need to know if that person cares about

how we feel.

THIS  is just cold hard logical thinking, and it is important that we always remember to

heed the things we are told by our friends, since they are taking the time and energy to tell us about those

things.

What are we looking for in a love

The most impotant thing - the ONE thing.


What's the top priority of importance when searching for a life-long partner?
Do I yearn for pretty, smart and good personality, sexy, or otherwise. Good chemistry? Good communication?
Nice legs?
Maybe I would prefer someone who knows how to cook? This is always a plus.  Why spend money going to the restaurant? Possibly allof the above would be great but where on earth would I start to look for this woman?

Th large question was posed to me recently, and it made me stop what I was doing, and I had to give some serious thought t.  What I think is that a relationship is just like building a house.  I need to build our house on a strong foundation.

One of the foundations of any relationship is trust. If we are making for a strong committment, we need to trust in the words we hear and speak to our partner.  If I can not trust this woman and vice versa, then things will quickly become shakey with just a very short time.

So now that little slice of business is taken care of we can move on.

Now there's the issue of chemistry and or communication.  Is there excitement in being together with the person that I choose. I look for a partner where her and I will have good chemistry and good communication, in order that our house (of love) will be standing solidly for some time.


In a relationship there's always things that need to worked out.
And so how well we can communicate and exchange ideas, is also very important.

Personally I like performing Improv in front of a live theatre audience.
I love to write and sing.
Can Ms/ Jane Doe (where ever you are) appreciate this art form that I love so much?
Or does she think it dumb and useless?

Does Ms. Jane Doe have any artistic abilites herself.. This would be helpful.
A good listener would be good to know.  Then we can have long talks about all kinds of things and never be bored with one another.

Also I would look for a good sense of humour.  Very important point that Ms. Jane Doe has a very solid sense of humour.  After all, what is life about if we can not sit back and laugh at the whole absurd dance we do.

Now there remains a few minor details to be worked out later, but nothing of a major kind.

Oh yes kind, considerate and understanding,

with a great capacity for compassionan & empathy.

Well that just about covers my partner checklist.

Thanks for checking out my blog.

Sincerely,

Howard S. Buchin